Validation we all
need it. More to the point I need it. True happiness comes out of layers upon
layers of life that line up and come into sync in a rhythm that is as unique as
each person’s DNA. The alternatives are the bursts that break through the layers
that spring us into instant happiness, commonly known as instant gratification.
Lining up one’s layers into a life rhythm that produces happiness takes time,
effort, and a great deal of risk. Why do that when I can jump in and out into
the heart of happiness? For me valadation that comes in the from of instant
fleeting surface flattery only leaves emptyness. But, I need validation. That’s
how I’m wired. It’s the deep down validation of understanding of being deeply
known. This is the underlying need that fuels my fear. I’ve been hurt and
discredited many times and the times hardest to get over are the ones from
fundamental relationships during younger years. Yet, to withdraw and put on the
box and bow armor prohibits the type of relationships I most desire. I’ve been
fortunate to develop a base of relationships that are deeply connected in spite
of me. My husband was truly the first deep relationship and it is still
developing in depth. I’ve needed all 17 years of ups, downs, and living life
together to feel known. We never stop growing. Tiny emotional changes happen
daily. My tendency is to hold back these changes from my partner. It’s a type
of control. Controlling how he perceives me until I have made sense of myself.
Oh, the many problems that has caused. Sharing with him is a bit better today
than in the first 15 years together but it is still not my first tendency. Even
this blog was first open to everyone before I was really open with him about
it. He is wonderfully supportive but I know when he’s giving me fluff. He’s
never been good at fluff and I love that about him. I have to be prepared for
the truth when sharing with him. He is black and white and it’s a foundation I
trust and admire making opening up even more risky. I needed time and some
encouraging words of validation from others to prepare. He didn’t completely
get the how and why of the subject of the blog but supported the process of
doing it. Even better he trusted my discretion of content when writing. That
validation of him knowing and trusting me even in his lack of fully
understanding was the final layer of life rhythm that is making my heart leap
every time I press pen to paper.
