Validation

Validation we all need it. More to the point I need it. True happiness comes out of layers upon layers of life that line up and come into sync in a rhythm that is as unique as each person’s DNA. The alternatives are the bursts that break through the layers that spring us into instant happiness, commonly known as instant gratification. Lining up one’s layers into a life rhythm that produces happiness takes time, effort, and a great deal of risk. Why do that when I can jump in and out into the heart of happiness? For me valadation that comes in the from of instant fleeting surface flattery only leaves emptyness. But, I need validation. That’s how I’m wired. It’s the deep down validation of understanding of being deeply known. This is the underlying need that fuels my fear. I’ve been hurt and discredited many times and the times hardest to get over are the ones from fundamental relationships during younger years. Yet, to withdraw and put on the box and bow armor prohibits the type of relationships I most desire. I’ve been fortunate to develop a base of relationships that are deeply connected in spite of me. My husband was truly the first deep relationship and it is still developing in depth. I’ve needed all 17 years of ups, downs, and living life together to feel known. We never stop growing. Tiny emotional changes happen daily. My tendency is to hold back these changes from my partner. It’s a type of control. Controlling how he perceives me until I have made sense of myself. Oh, the many problems that has caused. Sharing with him is a bit better today than in the first 15 years together but it is still not my first tendency. Even this blog was first open to everyone before I was really open with him about it. He is wonderfully supportive but I know when he’s giving me fluff. He’s never been good at fluff and I love that about him. I have to be prepared for the truth when sharing with him. He is black and white and it’s a foundation I trust and admire making opening up even more risky. I needed time and some encouraging words of validation from others to prepare. He didn’t completely get the how and why of the subject of the blog but supported the process of doing it. Even better he trusted my discretion of content when writing. That validation of him knowing and trusting me even in his lack of fully understanding was the final layer of life rhythm that is making my heart leap every time I press pen to paper.